Let’s talk about therapy.
There is still a stigma around going to therapy, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety or another mental illness. Some people think therapy means something is “wrong” with you. Others were raised to believe that personal problems should stay personal or that you should simply tough things out on your own.
I don’t believe that.
It’s okay to go to therapy.
You don’t have to be in crisis. You don’t have to wait until everything becomes unbearable. And you don’t need to be ashamed of needing someone to talk to.
Therapy can be a place to understand yourself, learn coping strategies, challenge unhealthy thought patterns, work through difficult experiences, and simply have a space where you can talk honestly.
But there’s something else I’ve learned: finding the right therapist—and learning how to use therapy in a way that works for you—matters.
Here are some of my dos and don’ts of therapy.
DO: Remember That It’s Okay to Go to Therapy
Let’s get this one out of the way first.
Going to therapy isn’t something you need to hide or be embarrassed about.
Mental health deserves attention just like physical health does.
You might go to therapy because you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, grief, stress, relationships, major life changes, or a diagnosed mental illness.
Or maybe life simply feels overwhelming and you’d like some support figuring things out.
All of those reasons are valid.
There can still be stigma surrounding mental health treatment, but seeking help doesn’t define who you are.
Therapy is simply one tool that may help you take care of your mental and emotional well-being.
DO: Choose the Right Therapist for YOU
A therapist can have wonderful credentials and still not be the right therapist for you.
Therapy is professional treatment, but there’s also a human relationship involved.
Ask yourself:
- Do I feel heard?
- Do I feel respected?
- Can I ask questions?
- Does this therapist understand what I’m experiencing?
- Do they have experience with anxiety or the mental health concerns I’m dealing with?
- Can I imagine becoming more comfortable talking to them over time?
You don’t necessarily have to feel completely comfortable during your first appointment. Opening up to a stranger can be awkward.
Give yourself some time—but also listen to yourself when something consistently doesn’t feel right.
DON’T: Think You’re Stuck With Your Therapist
You can switch therapists.
I wish more people knew this before starting therapy.
Sometimes you and a therapist simply aren’t a good match.
Maybe you don’t connect with their personality. Maybe their therapy style isn’t working for you. Maybe you don’t feel understood. Maybe you’ve grown and now need someone who specializes in something different.
Changing therapists doesn’t mean therapy failed.
It means you’re looking for the type of support that works best for you.
You can also tell your current therapist that something isn’t working. A good therapist should be willing to have that conversation.
DO: Ask Questions
You’re allowed to interview your therapist a little, too.
Ask about their experience, treatment approach, specialties, and what you can expect from sessions.
For example:
“Do you have experience working with anxiety?”
“Have you worked with people with my diagnosis or concerns?”
“What type of therapy do you use?”
“What would our goals look like?”
There are many approaches to therapy, including CBT, DBT, ACT, exposure-based therapies, trauma-focused approaches, and others.
You don’t have to know which one you need. A qualified professional can help determine what may be appropriate for your situation.
DON’T: Bring Your Parents Just Because They Insist
This is something I think is especially important for adults starting therapy.
Your therapy session is your space.
Your parents might love you. They might worry about you. They may genuinely believe they’re helping.
They might even insist on coming into the session with you.
But their concern doesn’t automatically mean they need to be in the room.
Having a parent sitting beside you can completely change what you’re willing to talk about.
You might avoid discussing family.
You might soften what you’re really feeling.
You might leave something out because you’re worried about their reaction.
You might find yourself looking at them before answering your therapist.
And suddenly, the session isn’t completely yours anymore.
It’s okay to say:
“I appreciate that you care about me, but I need to do this session on my own.”
Wanting privacy doesn’t mean you don’t love your family.
Support and boundaries can exist at the same time.
There may be situations where involving a parent, partner, caregiver, or another trusted person is helpful. You and your therapist may even decide together that having someone participate in part of a session could benefit your treatment.
But that’s different from someone insisting that they have to be there.
Sometimes part of therapy is learning how to use your own voice.
And sometimes that begins with:
“I need to do this for myself.”
DO: Tell Your Therapist When You’re Anxious About Therapy
Yes, you can have anxiety about going to therapy for anxiety.
You might spend hours thinking about what you’re going to say—and then completely forget everything when you sit down.
That’s okay.
Tell them.
You can literally begin with:
“I’m nervous and I don’t know where to start.”
You can write things down beforehand, too. Keep a note on your phone with thoughts, symptoms, questions, or situations you’d like to discuss.
You don’t need a perfectly prepared speech.
DON’T: Feel Like You Have to Tell Them Everything Immediately
Being honest with your therapist is important.
But trust can take time.
You don’t have to unpack your entire life during your first session.
If there’s something you’re not ready to discuss, you can say:
“I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
You can also ask why they’re asking a particular question.
Over time, you may become comfortable discussing things that were initially difficult to talk about.
Therapy isn’t a race.
DO: Be Honest When Something Isn’t Helping
Your therapist can’t know something isn’t working unless you tell them.
If a coping strategy isn’t helping, say so.
If journaling makes you more frustrated, tell them.
If a breathing exercise increases your anxiety, tell them.
If you don’t understand why you’re doing an exercise, ask.
Therapy shouldn’t be about trying to become the “perfect patient.”
It’s about figuring out what actually helps you.
DON’T: Expect Therapy to Fix Everything Overnight
Therapy takes time.
Sometimes you’ll leave a session feeling lighter.
Sometimes you’ll leave thinking about something for the rest of the day.
Sometimes you’ll have a breakthrough.
And sometimes you’ll wonder whether you accomplished anything at all.
Progress isn’t always obvious.
You may begin noticing little changes instead.
Maybe you recognize an anxious thought before spiraling.
Maybe you set a boundary you couldn’t set before.
Maybe you react differently to something that used to overwhelm you.
Those small changes matter too.
DO: Practice What You Learn Outside of Therapy
Therapy doesn’t necessarily end when the appointment does.
Depending on your treatment plan, you might practice things like:
- Grounding techniques
- Challenging anxious thoughts
- Recognizing cognitive distortions
- Journaling
- Mindfulness
- Setting boundaries
- Tracking triggers
- Developing healthier coping strategies
- Gradually facing things you’ve been avoiding
Think of therapy as building a mental health toolbox.
The therapist can help you learn the tools, but eventually you’re the one using them in everyday life.
DON’T: Compare Your Therapy Journey to Someone Else’s
Social media makes this especially easy to do.
Someone might say CBT completely changed their life.
Another person might say it didn’t help them.
Someone loves journaling.
Someone else hates it.
That’s because mental health treatment isn’t one-size-fits-all.
Your diagnosis doesn’t automatically mean your experience will look exactly like someone else’s either.
Work with your healthcare professionals to figure out what works for you.
DO: Understand Confidentiality
Therapy is generally confidential, but confidentiality has limits.
Certain safety concerns, abuse or neglect situations, court requirements, and other circumstances may require a therapist to disclose information depending on applicable laws and professional rules.
You don’t have to guess about this.
Ask:
“Can you explain what is confidential and what you would be required to report?”
Understanding those boundaries can make it easier to know what to expect.
DON’T: Change Your Medication Because of Something You Read Online
If medication is part of your mental health treatment, questions about stopping, starting, or changing it should go to the healthcare professional managing your medication.
A blog post, TikTok, Reddit thread, influencer, friend—or even someone who has the same diagnosis as you—doesn’t know your complete medical situation.
Someone else’s experience can be worth hearing.
It shouldn’t replace individualized medical advice.
DO: Know the Difference Between Being Challenged and Being Disrespected
Therapy isn’t always comfortable.
Sometimes a therapist may challenge the way you’re thinking.
They may ask a difficult question.
They might point out a pattern you haven’t noticed.
That can be uncomfortable without being harmful.
But you should still be treated with dignity and respect.
Repeatedly feeling shamed, dismissed, discriminated against, pressured, or having professional boundaries violated is different.
You can ask questions.
You can speak up.
You can get a second opinion.
And you can leave and find another therapist.
DON’T: Expect Your Therapist to Run Your Life
A therapist isn’t there to make every decision for you.
They’re not supposed to choose your relationships, career, boundaries, or future.
Instead, therapy can help you explore your options, understand your thoughts, recognize patterns, identify what matters to you, and make your own decisions.
That independence matters.
The goal isn’t to need your therapist to make every decision.
It’s to develop skills you can eventually carry with you.
DO: Give Yourself Time
Healing isn’t linear.
Neither is learning to manage anxiety or live with mental illness.
You can have a really good week and then struggle the next week.
That doesn’t erase your progress.
Therapy isn’t about becoming someone who never experiences anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, or difficult thoughts.
It’s about learning more about yourself and developing healthier ways to navigate those moments.
Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Something We Whisper About
I think we need to stop treating therapy like something embarrassing.
It’s okay to say you go to therapy.
It’s okay to need help.
It’s okay to try therapy and realize you need a different therapist.
It’s okay to ask questions.
It’s okay to establish boundaries with your family.
It’s okay to go into your appointment alone.
It’s okay to say you’re nervous.
And it’s okay if you’re still figuring everything out.
You don’t have to walk into your first therapy session knowing exactly what you’re supposed to say.
Sometimes the most honest place to begin is simply:
“I don’t know where to start, but I know I need some support.”
And that’s a perfectly good place to start.
This post shares personal reflections and general educational information about therapy and mental health. It isn’t a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or individualized mental health treatment. Therapy needs and confidentiality rules can vary by person and location. If you have questions about your mental health or treatment, talk with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
