The Millennial Mind | Doing My Best-ish
Remember when making friends was as simple as asking someone if they wanted to come over?
Okay, maybe it wasn’t always that simple.
But growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, friendships felt a little different.
We made friends at school, in our neighborhoods, at the mall, or through shared interests.
We passed notes in class, spent hours talking on the phone, and made plans without needing a group chat.
Sometimes we just showed up at someone’s house and asked if they could hang out.
And somehow, that was normal.
Fast-forward to adulthood, and suddenly making friends feels like applying for a job.
Where do you meet people?
How do you start a conversation?
How do you know whether someone actually wants to be your friend?
And why does everyone seem to already have their own group?
As a 90s kid navigating adulthood in the internet era, I have a confession.
I’m still figuring this one out myself.
When Did Making Friends Become So Complicated?
When we were kids, friendship was often built into our everyday routines.
We went to school with the same people.
We saw our friends almost every day.
We had recess, lunch breaks, sleepovers, and after-school activities.
We didn’t necessarily have to put much effort into finding opportunities to socialize because those opportunities were already there.
But adulthood?
That’s a completely different story.
People move away.
Friends get married, start families, change careers, or develop different priorities.
Work schedules don’t match.
And sometimes, the friendships we thought would last forever slowly fade away.
Not necessarily because anyone did something wrong.
Life just happened.
One day, you’re spending hours laughing with your friends.
The next, you’re wondering whether it’s weird to message someone you haven’t spoken to in three years.
The Internet Made Meeting People Easier, but Friendship Still Takes Work
We live in a time when we can connect with people from practically anywhere.
Social media.
Online communities.
Gaming.
Friendship apps.
Facebook groups.
And yet, sometimes it feels harder than ever to build genuine connections.
We follow people.
We like their posts.
We occasionally comment on their stories.
But turning those little interactions into actual friendships?
That’s the part I haven’t quite mastered.
Because there’s a difference between knowing someone online and feeling like you have someone you can call when life gets difficult.
That doesn’t mean online friendships aren’t real.
They absolutely can be.
Sometimes the people we meet online understand us better than the people we see every day.
But meaningful friendships usually require more than occasional likes and reactions.
They require time, consistency, vulnerability, and effort from both people.
Making Friends as an Introvert Is Its Own Adventure
Can we talk about how exhausting socializing can be when you’re an introvert?
I enjoy meaningful conversations.
I like connecting with people.
But I also need time alone to recharge.
And sometimes my anxiety makes the whole process feel even more complicated.
I can overthink a simple conversation.
Did I say something weird?
Was I talking too much?
Did I come across as awkward?
Should I message them first?
What if I’m bothering them?
By the time I’ve finished analyzing the interaction, I’ve practically written an entire psychological thriller in my head.
And the other person probably hasn’t thought twice about it.
One thing I’m learning is that being introverted doesn’t mean I don’t want friendships. It just means I may approach them differently.
I don’t necessarily need a huge social circle.
I’d rather have a few genuine connections where I can be myself without feeling like I have to perform.
The Awkward Reality of Making Friends in Your 30s
Nobody really prepares you for this part of adulthood.
We spend so much time talking about careers, relationships, marriage, children, and financial stability.
But what about friendship?
What about the people we want to laugh with, share our interests with, or simply spend a random Saturday afternoon with?
Sometimes it feels like everyone else has already established their circle.
And you’re standing on the outside wondering where you’re supposed to fit.
But I’m starting to realize that friendship doesn’t have an expiration date.
You don’t have to find all your lifelong friends before graduating high school or college.
You can meet meaningful people at 30, 40, 50, or beyond.
The difficult part is allowing yourself to start.
Especially when you’re afraid of rejection.
My Still-Figuring-It-Out Guide to Making Friends
I wouldn’t exactly call myself a friendship expert.
Actually, I’m probably the person Googling how to make friends as an adult while simultaneously avoiding social situations.
But here are a few things I’m trying to remind myself.
1. Start with shared interests
As a creative person, I feel more comfortable connecting with people through things I genuinely enjoy.
Art, photography, animals, books, or even our shared love of 90s nostalgia.
Sometimes friendship starts with a simple conversation about something you both love.
Maybe it’s an art workshop, a local event, a book club, or an online community.
You don’t have to force yourself into social situations that don’t feel like you.
2. Stop expecting instant friendships
Remember how friendships developed naturally when we were younger?
We saw people repeatedly, talked about random things, and slowly became closer.
Adult friendships can work the same way.
Not every conversation needs to turn into a lifelong friendship.
Sometimes it’s enough to say hello.
Then say hello again next week.
And slowly build familiarity.
3. It’s okay to make the first move
This one is difficult for me.
Because making the first move means risking rejection.
But sometimes someone else might be just as nervous about reaching out.
A simple message like “Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime?” doesn’t have to be a huge deal.
And if someone says no, it doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you.
4. Online friendships count, too
I don’t think we should dismiss online friendships just because they happen through screens.
For introverts, people with anxiety, or anyone who struggles with traditional social situations, online communities can be a wonderful starting point.
The important thing is finding connections that feel genuine, respectful, and mutual.
And remembering that friendship doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.
5. You don’t need to become an extrovert
This might be the biggest reminder I need.
I don’t have to become louder, more outgoing, or more socially confident overnight.
I don’t have to attend every event or constantly surround myself with people.
I can build friendships in a way that respects my personality and energy.
A quiet coffee date counts.
A walk through a park counts.
Creating art together counts.
Even sending someone a funny meme because it reminded you of them counts.
Connection doesn’t always have to be loud.
6. Accept that some friendships are seasonal
This is one of the harder lessons of adulthood.
Not every friendship lasts forever.
Some people are part of our childhood.
Some are part of our twenties.
Others enter our lives when we least expect them.
And sometimes people simply grow in different directions.
It can hurt, especially when you remember how close you once were.
But a friendship ending doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful.
You can appreciate the memories while making room for new connections.
7. Give yourself permission to be awkward
Maybe this is the most important one.
You don’t have to say the perfect thing.
You don’t have to be the funniest person in the room.
You don’t have to know exactly how to keep every conversation going.
Sometimes you might stumble over your words.
Sometimes there will be awkward silences.
And sometimes you’ll go home replaying everything you said.
But maybe friendship isn’t about impressing people.
Maybe it’s about finding people you don’t feel the need to impress.
Are We Missing Friendship or the Simplicity of Being Young?
I think part of why Millennials feel so nostalgic for the 90s is that friendship seemed more accessible.
We had places to gather.
Malls.
Movie theaters.
Arcades.
Parks.
School playgrounds.
We weren’t constantly coordinating work schedules, managing responsibilities, or worrying about whether everyone was too busy.
We simply spent time together.
And maybe that’s what we’re really missing.
Not necessarily the exact friendships we had.
But the feeling of belonging somewhere.
The comfort of knowing someone wanted to spend time with us.
The excitement of having plans that didn’t require weeks of preparation.
As adults, maybe we have to be more intentional about creating those experiences.
And that’s something I’m still learning.
What If Everyone Else Is Figuring It Out, Too?
Sometimes I look around and assume everyone else has friendship figured out.
They have their friend groups.
Their weekend plans.
Their group photos.
Their people.
But social media only shows us little pieces of other people’s lives.
Maybe some of those people feel lonely, too.
Maybe they’re also wondering how to make friends outside of work.
Maybe they’re waiting for someone to reach out.
Maybe we’re all just a bunch of grown-up 90s kids trying to remember how to connect without feeling awkward.
And honestly?
That thought makes adulthood feel a little less intimidating.
Final Thoughts: Still Looking for My People
I wish I could end this post by telling you I’ve mastered the art of making friends as an adult.
But I haven’t.
I’m still learning how to put myself out there.
Still figuring out how to balance my introverted personality with my desire for meaningful connection.
Still trying not to overthink every conversation.
And still reminding myself that being 30 doesn’t mean I’ve missed my chance to build new friendships.
Maybe I won’t have the giant friend group we saw in sitcoms growing up.
Maybe my friendships won’t look like the ones I imagined when I was younger.
And maybe that’s okay.
Because at this point in my life, I’m not looking for popularity.
I’m looking for genuine connection.
People I can laugh with.
People who understand that sometimes I need space.
People who appreciate me for who I am, awkward moments and all.
Maybe making friends as an adult isn’t about finding a place where everyone knows your name.
Maybe it’s about finding a few people who make you feel comfortable being yourself.
And until then?
I’ll keep trying.
One awkward conversation at a time.
Still introverted. Still looking for my people. Still doing my best-ish.
A Little Millennial Mind Reflection
Do you find making friends harder now than when you were younger?
Have social media and the internet made friendship easier or more complicated for you?
And for my fellow introverted Millennials:
How exactly are we supposed to make friends when we want meaningful connections but also really love staying home?
Asking for a friend.
The friend is me. 😂