The Millennial Mind | Doing My Best-ish
What happens when the life you dreamed about growing up isn’t the life you actually want anymore?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
When I was younger, I had this imaginary picture of what my adult life would look like.
I thought I’d have everything figured out.
A career I loved.
Financial independence.
Confidence.
Happiness.
A sense of purpose.
Maybe even that picture-perfect life we grew up seeing in movies and television.
You know, the kind where everything magically works out by the end of the episode.
But somewhere between growing up and actually becoming an adult, things changed.
Life happened.
Mental health struggles happened.
Responsibilities happened.
Dreams changed.
And suddenly, I found myself questioning something I never expected.
Do I actually want the life I thought I wanted, or do I just feel guilty that I haven’t achieved it?
Because those are two very different things.
The Dreams We Had Before We Understood Adulthood
Remember being a kid in the 90s?
Our biggest concerns were usually homework, getting home in time for our favorite television shows, and hoping nobody picked up the phone while we were using the internet.
Adulthood seemed so far away.
We imagined freedom.
We imagined having our own money.
We imagined living wherever we wanted and doing whatever made us happy.
We thought adults had all the answers.
And we certainly didn’t imagine spending our thirties worrying about bills, burnout, grocery prices, and whether we remembered to take the laundry out of the washing machine.
But the dreams we had growing up were created by younger versions of ourselves.
Versions who hadn’t experienced everything we have today.
Versions who didn’t know what challenges were waiting.
Versions who hadn’t yet discovered what truly mattered to them.
And maybe that’s why our dreams change.
Not because we’ve given up.
But because we’ve grown.
Sometimes We’re Grieving a Life That Never Happened
I think there’s a kind of grief that doesn’t get talked about enough.
The grief of realizing that the life you imagined for yourself might never exist.
Not because you didn’t try hard enough.
Not because you weren’t good enough.
But because life took a different direction.
Maybe you thought you’d have a family by now.
Maybe you imagined yourself in a completely different career.
Maybe you thought you’d be living on your own.
Maybe you believed you’d be happier, healthier, more confident, or further along in life.
And now you’re looking at your reality, wondering what happened to all those plans.
Sometimes it feels like you’re mourning a version of yourself who never got the chance to exist.
The confident version.
The successful version.
The version who wasn’t constantly worried.
The version who had everything figured out.
And I think it’s okay to feel sad about that.
You can grieve the life you imagined without believing the life you have is worthless.
You can acknowledge disappointment without calling yourself a failure.
You can wish certain things had happened differently without giving up on your future.
Because grief doesn’t always mean losing a person.
Sometimes it means letting go of an expectation.
A dream.
An identity.
Or a future you once believed was guaranteed.
Are We Actually Unhappy, or Are We Comparing Ourselves?
This is a question I think more of us should ask ourselves.
Are we unhappy with our lives because something genuinely needs to change?
Or are we unhappy because our lives don’t look like everyone else’s?
There’s a difference.
Maybe you enjoy your quiet lifestyle.
Maybe you love spending time at home.
Maybe you’re happy with your pets, creative hobbies, and a small circle of people who understand you.
Maybe you don’t want the high-pressure career, busy social calendar, or picture-perfect lifestyle you once thought you needed.
But then you open social media.
You see people traveling, getting promoted, buying houses, getting married, and celebrating major milestones.
And suddenly, your peaceful little life doesn’t seem good enough anymore.
Not because anything changed.
But because you started comparing it to someone else’s.
Sometimes comparison convinces us we’re missing something we never actually wanted.
And I think that’s one of the biggest traps of adulthood.
We spend so much time chasing what looks successful that we forget to ask what actually feels fulfilling.
Maybe Happiness Looks Different Than We Expected
When we’re younger, happiness often seems connected to big accomplishments.
Getting the dream job.
Finding the perfect relationship.
Buying the house.
Making enough money.
Reaching the next milestone.
And there’s nothing wrong with wanting those things.
But as we get older, sometimes our definition of happiness becomes quieter.
Maybe happiness is waking up without immediately feeling overwhelmed.
Maybe it’s having a peaceful morning with your pets.
Maybe it’s creating something just because you enjoy it.
Maybe it’s taking photographs of nature.
Maybe it’s having enough energy left after work to enjoy your evening.
Maybe it’s spending time with people who make you feel safe.
Maybe it’s finally learning how to say no without feeling guilty.
Or maybe it’s simply being able to sit with yourself and feel content.
Those things might not look impressive on social media.
But that doesn’t make them less meaningful.
Maybe the happiest life isn’t always the most impressive one. Maybe it’s the one that feels most like you.
Where Self-Love Comes Into the Picture
I think discovering what genuinely makes us happy requires a certain amount of self-love.
Because it’s difficult to follow your own path when you’re constantly worried about disappointing everyone else.
When you struggle with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or anxiety, it can be easy to build your life around what you think you’re supposed to do.
You choose the career that sounds respectable.
You pursue milestones because everyone else is reaching them.
You push yourself to keep going even when you’re exhausted.
You ignore your own needs because you don’t want to let anyone down.
And eventually, you might realize something uncomfortable.
You’ve spent so much time trying to create a life that looks right that you haven’t asked whether it feels right.
That’s where self-love becomes important.
Self-love is learning to listen to yourself, even when your needs and dreams don’t match other people’s expectations.
It’s recognizing that your happiness matters.
It’s allowing yourself to change direction.
It’s understanding that you can appreciate your past without being obligated to recreate the future you once imagined.
And it’s learning that you don’t have to prove your worth through accomplishments.
You are allowed to want a different life.
You are allowed to grow into different dreams.
You are allowed to discover that what once seemed important no longer matters as much.
And you are allowed to love yourself through all of those changes.
What If the Person We’re Becoming Is Exactly Who We Need to Be?
I sometimes wonder what my younger self would think of me today.
Would she be proud?
Would she be disappointed?
Would she understand why certain dreams changed?
Would she recognize the person I’ve become?
It’s easy to focus on everything we haven’t accomplished.
But what about everything we’ve survived?
What about the lessons we’ve learned?
The boundaries we’ve started setting?
The creativity we’ve discovered?
The strength we’ve developed during difficult chapters?
The compassion we’ve learned to show ourselves and others?
Maybe our younger selves wouldn’t understand every decision we’ve made.
But they also didn’t know everything we’d have to navigate.
They didn’t know how much growing up would change us.
And maybe that’s okay.
We don’t owe our younger selves the exact future they imagined. We owe ourselves the chance to build a future that fits who we are now.
Because the person we are today deserves a voice, too.
We Don’t Have to Turn Every Passion Into a Career
Here’s another thing I’ve been thinking about.
As adults, we’re constantly encouraged to make something out of everything.
If you’re creative, turn it into a business.
If you’re good at something, monetize it.
If you have a hobby, make it productive.
If you’re passionate about something, find a way to profit from it.
And while there’s nothing wrong with building a business around something you love, I think we’ve forgotten that joy doesn’t always need a purpose beyond making us happy.
You can create art simply because it helps you express yourself.
You can take photographs because you enjoy exploring nature.
You can write because it helps you understand your feelings.
You can love animals without turning that love into a career.
You can have hobbies that exist just for you.
Not everything needs to become a side hustle.
Not everything needs to generate income.
Not everything needs to impress someone.
Sometimes the things that make us happiest are the things we allow ourselves to enjoy without expectations.
And maybe that’s another form of self-love.
Giving ourselves permission to simply enjoy being alive.
Choosing Peace Doesn’t Mean Giving Up on Your Dreams
I think there’s a misconception that choosing a quieter, simpler life means you’ve stopped being ambitious.
But I don’t believe that.
Sometimes ambition changes.
Maybe you once wanted a high-paying career with an impressive title.
Now you want a job that pays your bills without destroying your mental health.
Maybe you once wanted a packed social calendar.
Now you value a few meaningful friendships.
Maybe you once wanted a big house.
Now you dream of a small, cozy space that feels safe and peaceful.
Maybe you once thought success meant being recognized by everyone.
Now success means being comfortable with yourself.
That’s not necessarily giving up.
That’s learning what matters.
And sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is admit that a dream no longer fits us.
Because letting go can be scary.
Especially when we’ve spent years believing that achieving certain things would finally make us happy.
But what if happiness isn’t waiting at the end of some imaginary checklist?
What if it’s something we can begin creating right now?
How Do We Know What Actually Makes Us Happy?
I don’t think there’s one perfect answer.
And I don’t think we have to figure it out overnight.
But maybe we can start by asking ourselves a few different questions.
Instead of asking, What should I be doing with my life?
Ask, What do I genuinely enjoy?
Instead of asking, What would make other people proud of me?
Ask, What would make me proud of myself?
Instead of asking, Why am I not where everyone else is?
Ask, Am I moving toward something that matters to me?
Instead of asking, What am I supposed to have accomplished by now?
Ask, What kind of life would feel peaceful, meaningful, and fulfilling?
And instead of constantly thinking about the person we thought we’d become, maybe we can start getting to know the person we are today.
Because maybe we’ve changed more than we realize.
And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
A Reminder From One Millennial to Another
You are allowed to outgrow your old dreams.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to choose a different career.
You are allowed to want a quiet life.
You are allowed to find happiness in small things.
You are allowed to grieve the future you imagined.
And you are allowed to create a new one.
You don’t have to spend the rest of your life trying to become the person you thought you’d be at 18.
That version of you had dreams based on what they knew at the time.
But you’ve lived.
You’ve learned.
You’ve experienced things that changed your perspective.
And maybe you’ve discovered that the life you thought would make you happy isn’t the life that actually will.
Maybe self-love isn’t about becoming the person we thought we’d be. Maybe it’s about learning to love the person we’re becoming, even when life didn’t go according to plan.
So here’s to the millennials who are starting over.
The ones changing directions.
The ones healing.
The ones learning to set boundaries.
The ones grieving old dreams while slowly discovering new ones.
The ones realizing that success doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.
And the ones who are still figuring everything out.
We’re not necessarily behind.
We’re not required to have everything figured out.
And we’re not obligated to live the lives we imagined before we understood what adulthood would actually be like.
Maybe the goal was never to create the perfect life. Maybe it was to create a life that feels like our own.
And if that means taking the scenic route?
So be it.
I’m still learning.
Still growing.
Still discovering what makes me happy.
Still doing my best-ish.
And for now, that’s enough.
— The Millennial Mind
Doing my best-ish, one unexpected chapter at a time.
A Little Self-Reflection
- What did I imagine my life would look like when I was younger?
- Which of those dreams still genuinely matter to me?
- Am I holding onto certain goals because I want them, or because I feel like I should?
- What small things bring me happiness in my everyday life?
- If I stopped worrying about other people’s expectations, what kind of life would I choose?
You don’t have to recreate the future your younger self imagined. You’re allowed to create a future your present self can love.