The Millennial Mind | Doing My Best-ish
Growing up, I thought adulthood came with a checklist.
Graduate. Find a career. Fall in love. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Become successful.
And somehow accomplish all of this before turning 30.
But here’s my question.
Who made these rules, and why are we still following them?
Seriously. Who decided there was a right way to be an adult?
Who decided that by 25 we should have our careers figured out, by 30 we should be married, own a house, have children, and somehow be financially stable?
And who decided that if we haven’t accomplished those things, we’re somehow failing at life?
Because last time I checked, nobody handed me an official adulthood rulebook.
Yet here we are, measuring our lives against an imaginary checklist that we never actually agreed to follow.
As millennials, many of us grew up believing adulthood followed a pretty specific formula.
Go to school. Get good grades. Graduate. Find a career. Fall in love. Get married. Buy a house. Start a family. Live happily ever after.
Sounds simple enough, right?
Except nobody warned us about the plot twists.
The financial struggles. The mental health challenges. The burnout. The career changes. The relationships that didn’t work out. The dreams that changed.
And let’s not forget the part where we’re supposed to accomplish everything while maintaining friendships, exercising, eating healthy, saving money, and somehow getting eight hours of sleep.
Adulting really should have come with an instruction manual. Preferably one written for us exhausted 90s kids.
But somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we started believing that our worth depended on how many milestones we accomplished.
We watched our friends get married, buy houses, start families, and climb career ladders.
And when our own lives didn’t look the same, we started questioning ourselves.
Am I behind?
Did I waste my twenties?
Should I be further along by now?
Why does everyone else seem to have everything figured out?
But what if the problem isn’t our lives?
What if the problem is the imaginary timeline we’ve been comparing ourselves to?
The older I get, the more I question these imaginary rules.
Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves to live lives that might not even make us happy?
Maybe it’s time to start unlearning a few things.
Rule #1: You Must Have Your Life Figured Out by 30
Remember being a kid and thinking 30 was old?
I genuinely thought adults in their thirties had everything figured out.
They had careers, houses, families, savings accounts, and probably knew how to fold fitted sheets.
Then adulthood happened.
And suddenly, I realized that growing older doesn’t magically give you all the answers.
Sometimes you’re 30 and still figuring out what you want to do with your life.
Sometimes you’re changing careers.
Sometimes you’re living with your parents.
Sometimes you’re rebuilding your finances, navigating mental health struggles, or starting over after life didn’t go according to plan.
And you know what?
That’s okay.
Life doesn’t come with an expiration date for figuring things out.
Some people find their purpose at 20. Others find it at 40, 50, or even 70.
Some people settle into careers early. Others discover new passions later in life.
Some people get married young. Others find love later or discover that being single makes them happy.
There’s no universal timeline.
The rule I’m unlearning: I don’t have to have everything figured out by 30 to be worthy of a meaningful life.
Rule #2: Your Worth Depends on How Productive You Are
Somewhere along the way, being busy became something to brag about.
We’re supposed to work full-time, have side hustles, build careers, maintain relationships, keep our homes clean, exercise, and somehow still practice self-care.
And if we’re not constantly doing something?
We feel guilty.
I think this is especially difficult for people who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, or people-pleasing.
We start believing that resting means we’re lazy.
That slowing down means we’re falling behind.
That saying no means we’re disappointing someone.
But here’s something I’m learning.
Being exhausted isn’t proof that you’re successful.
You don’t have to push yourself to burnout to prove you’re working hard.
You don’t have to turn every hobby into a business.
You don’t have to be productive every waking moment.
And you don’t have to earn the right to rest.
Sometimes success looks like getting through a difficult day.
Sometimes it looks like setting a boundary.
Sometimes it looks like choosing your mental health over another responsibility.
And sometimes it looks like doing absolutely nothing without feeling guilty about it.
The rule I’m unlearning: My worth doesn’t disappear when I’m not being productive.
Rule #3: You Have to Earn Self-Love Through Success
This might be one of the most damaging imaginary rules of adulthood.
How many times have we told ourselves:
I’ll love myself when I lose weight.
I’ll feel successful when I get a better job.
I’ll be happy when I move out.
I’ll finally feel good enough when I accomplish something important.
We keep placing conditions on our happiness.
As though the person we are today isn’t worthy of love until we’ve become some improved future version of ourselves.
But what happens when we finally reach one goal?
We create another.
And another.
And another.
Suddenly, self-love becomes something we’re constantly chasing but never allowing ourselves to experience.
Here’s the thing.
Self-love isn’t a reward for becoming successful.
It’s learning to appreciate yourself while you’re still figuring everything out.
It’s being compassionate with yourself when life doesn’t go according to plan.
It’s recognizing your strengths without pretending you don’t have struggles.
It’s understanding that your value doesn’t depend on your relationship status, career, income, appearance, or accomplishments.
You can still want to improve your life.
You can still have goals.
You can still work toward becoming a happier, healthier version of yourself.
But you don’t have to hate who you are today to become who you want to be tomorrow.
The rule I’m unlearning: I don’t have to earn the right to love myself.
Rule #4: You Must Find the Perfect Career and Stick With It
Remember being asked what you wanted to be when you grew up?
As though we were supposed to choose one career at 18 and stick with it for the next 50 years.
But what happens when our interests change?
What happens when the career we thought we wanted isn’t what makes us happy?
What happens when our mental health, circumstances, or priorities change?
Are we supposed to stay in a career that makes us miserable simply because it’s what we originally chose?
I don’t think so.
Sometimes we discover new passions later in life.
Sometimes we realize that the traditional career path isn’t right for us.
Sometimes we want to pursue creative interests, build a small business, or find work that gives us more balance.
And sometimes we simply need something different.
Changing directions doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re allowed to grow.
Your career doesn’t have to follow a straight line.
You don’t have to climb the corporate ladder if that’s not what you want.
And you don’t have to measure your success by your job title.
Maybe success is finding work that supports your well-being while leaving you enough energy to actually enjoy your life.
The rule I’m unlearning: My career doesn’t have to look impressive to everyone else to be meaningful to me.
Rule #5: Everyone Should Want Marriage, Children, and a House
Ah yes. The classic adulthood starter pack.
A spouse.
Two kids.
A house.
A dog.
A perfectly maintained lawn.
And apparently, we’re all supposed to want the exact same things.
But what if we don’t?
What if someone is genuinely happy being single?
What if someone doesn’t want children?
What if someone prefers renting?
What if someone wants to travel, create art, rescue animals, build a business, or simply enjoy a quiet life?
Why should those lives be considered less successful?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting marriage, children, or homeownership.
Those can be wonderful dreams.
But they should be choices, not requirements.
A meaningful life doesn’t have to look traditional.
And not everyone has the same financial opportunities, health circumstances, or support systems.
We need to stop treating traditional milestones as proof that someone has succeeded at adulthood.
Because happiness isn’t one-size-fits-all.
The rule I’m unlearning: I don’t have to want the same life everyone else wants.
Rule #6: If Your Life Didn’t Go According to Plan, You Failed
This one hits a little differently.
Because sometimes the hardest part of adulthood isn’t where we are.
It’s remembering where we thought we’d be.
Maybe you imagined yourself in a different career.
Maybe you thought you’d be married by now.
Maybe you expected to be financially independent.
Maybe you believed your mental health would be better.
Maybe you thought you’d be a completely different person.
And when reality doesn’t match those expectations, it can feel like you’ve disappointed your younger self.
But I think we need to talk more about grieving the lives we imagined.
Because that grief is real.
You can miss a version of your life that never happened.
You can feel sadness over dreams that changed.
You can wish things had turned out differently while still appreciating the life you have.
Those feelings can exist together.
Just because your life doesn’t look the way you imagined doesn’t mean it can’t become something beautiful.
Maybe the dreams we had at 18 were based on who we were back then.
And maybe the dreams we have at 30 deserve a chance, too.
The rule I’m unlearning: A different life isn’t automatically a failed life.
Where Does Self-Love Fit Into All of This?
I think self-love is a huge part of learning to break these imaginary rules.
Because when you’ve spent years measuring your worth against society’s expectations, it becomes difficult to appreciate the person you actually are.
We start believing we’re only worthy of happiness when we’ve accomplished something.
When we’ve lost the weight.
When we’ve found the perfect relationship.
When we’ve landed the dream job.
When we’ve finally moved out.
When we’ve become the successful adult everyone expected us to be.
But self-love challenges that thinking.
It asks us to stop treating ourselves like unfinished projects that need to be fixed before we’re worthy of a good life.
You don’t have to become society’s version of successful to deserve love, happiness, or respect.
You deserve those things right now.
Even if you’re starting over.
Even if your career isn’t where you hoped it would be.
Even if you’re single.
Even if you’re still figuring out who you are.
Even if the life you imagined at 18 looks completely different at 30.
Self-love doesn’t mean giving up on your goals or pretending everything is perfect.
It means learning to appreciate yourself through the messy, uncertain chapters.
It means recognizing that you’re allowed to grow without constantly criticizing who you are today.
And it means understanding that your life doesn’t have to look like someone else’s to be meaningful.
Maybe Self-Love Means Disappointing Society
Sometimes loving yourself means making choices other people don’t understand.
Choosing rest instead of constantly being productive.
Choosing a different career path.
Choosing your mental health over unrealistic expectations.
Choosing to live at your own pace.
Choosing a life that feels peaceful instead of one that looks impressive.
And sometimes it means accepting that other people might not approve.
Maybe your family expected you to follow a traditional career path.
Maybe your friends don’t understand why you’re starting over.
Maybe people question why you’re still single, why you haven’t bought a house, or why you’re not further along.
But here’s something worth remembering.
Other people’s expectations are not instructions for how you have to live your life.
You can listen to advice without allowing it to control your decisions.
You can love your family without living out their dreams.
You can celebrate your friends’ accomplishments without comparing them to your own.
And you can choose a different path without feeling ashamed.
Maybe that’s what growing up really means.
Not becoming the person everyone expected you to be.
But finally giving yourself permission to become the person you want to be.
So, What Happens When We Stop Following These Rules?
Maybe we finally give ourselves permission to breathe.
To stop comparing.
To stop rushing.
To stop treating ourselves like we’re running out of time.
Maybe we start making decisions based on what actually matters to us.
Instead of asking, What should I have accomplished by now?
We start asking, What kind of life would genuinely make me happy?
Instead of asking, Why am I not like everyone else?
We start asking, What makes my journey uniquely mine?
And instead of constantly criticizing ourselves for everything we haven’t accomplished, maybe we start recognizing how far we’ve come.
Because surviving difficult chapters matters.
Learning boundaries matters.
Protecting our mental health matters.
Finding joy in little things matters.
And learning to love ourselves through the messy parts matters, too.
Maybe success isn’t about collecting milestones.
Maybe it’s about creating a life that feels meaningful.
One that allows us to grow, rest, make mistakes, discover new passions, and become more comfortable with who we are.
Maybe the goal isn’t to have the ideal life. Maybe it’s to create a life that actually feels like our own.
A Reminder From One Millennial to Another
We grew up being told we could be anything.
Somewhere along the way, that turned into pressure to be everything.
Successful. Independent. Financially stable. Attractive. Productive. Happy. Perfect.
All at once.
But we’re human beings, not checklists.
And life isn’t a race to see who can collect the most accomplishments before their thirtieth birthday.
You don’t need to have everything figured out by 30.
You don’t need to be productive every minute.
You don’t need to earn self-love.
You don’t need a perfect career.
You don’t need the traditional white-picket-fence life.
And you don’t need to apologize because your journey looks different from someone else’s.
Maybe real adulthood is learning that we get to write our own rules.
And maybe self-love is what gives us the courage to do it.
So here’s to the millennials rebuilding their lives, changing directions, healing old wounds, discovering new dreams, and learning to appreciate who they are becoming.
The ones who are still figuring things out.
The ones who feel like they’re starting over.
The ones who are tired of comparing themselves to everyone else.
The ones who are learning that their worth isn’t measured by accomplishments.
We’re not failing adulthood.
We’re simply doing it differently.
And that’s okay.
Because maybe we’re not behind in life.
Maybe we’re just finally learning to follow our own path instead of someone else’s.
— The Millennial Mind
Doing my best-ish, on my own timeline.
A Little Self-Reflection
Before you go, ask yourself:
- Which imaginary adulthood rule have I been putting the most pressure on myself to follow?
- Am I chasing certain milestones because I genuinely want them, or because I feel like I’m supposed to?
- How has comparing myself to others affected my self-worth?
- What would my life look like if I stopped worrying about society’s expectations?
- How can I practice more self-love while creating a life that feels authentic to me?
Remember: You don’t have to live someone else’s version of a beautiful life. You get to create your own. 💜